Lesson in Insanity

So yesterday was Father's Day here in America.  

Happy Father's Day 

to all you Dads!!

In preparation for this special day, I decided to take the two smallest children shopping for a special surprise for their daddy.  Let me back-up just a bit before this wonderful lesson in insanity.  

We had taken our van (Eddie) into the shop once again to be fixed.  (We bought her a year ago and she has been in the shop more than she has been in our garage.  That is another story for another day...).

When we went to pick her up, we had to take the younger children with us cuz our oldest daughter was at Girls Camp which left us without a sitter.  It made for a very long hour car ride even with the portable DVD player!

We were able to pick up Eddie without any problems, however, we decided to go grab dinner before we went shopping.  This should have been a good thing right?  Well, not quite so much!

The kids couldn't decide what they wanted to eat and finally after begging and pleading for them to tell us what they wanted, they ordered their "usual" meal.  I decided to order my "usual" on toast instead of a huge bun.

Yeah, THAT was an epic fail!!  You see, when I order a cheeseburger, I order it with ONLY mayo & ketchup cuz I have some crazy food allergies.  You think that this would be a simple order, but apparently ordering a cheeseburger with just mayo & ketchup on toast instead of a bun was WAY TOO complicated for the eating establishment!  What I got was a fully loaded cheeseburger on toast - looked great, but had the potential to KILL me!  When I told the server that I was allergic to most everything on it, he apologized and took it away to "fix" my order.  What he came back with was an overcooked patty (minus the cheese) on toast with gobs of mayo and a little ketchup.  Let's just say, I will not be putting in any "substitute" requests next time!

During dinner, my youngest girl ate like a horse!  She ate everything in sight and was still "grazing" as we were starting to clear the table to leave.  My son, on the other hand, wasn't eating anything cuz what he really wanted was tacos and they didn't serve those at the burger joint we went to.  He took FOREVER to eat and that was with much prodding!

After dinner we went shopping.  This is super difficult cuz we were trying like crazy to keep both children somewhat near the cart and not running around the store like chickens with their heads cut off!  When they were in or near the cart, it was a chore just to keep their hands and feet inside the cart and not knocking off the merchandise that was so nicely stacked on the shelves.

At one store, I decided that I would take the two children by myself to purchase my hubby's Father's Day gift.  THAT was mistake #1!!    

We picked up a gift card tin (we didn't end up using) and my daughter pulled off the price tag.  (She loves to pull off tags of any kind - whether we purchase them or not! Ugh!) 

Next was the card.  The kids couldn't decide on a card even though we looked at like 100!  There was another mamma right next to me in the isle doing the same battle with her children.  I made the comment "Sometimes it's easier to go shopping by yourself and then show them what they got dad, right?"  

She then replied, "It sure is.  But my hubby is working so I really don't have a choice."  

This made me stop and think a second, then I said, "Yeah, that's rough.  I'm just insane cuz my hubby is somewhere here in the store!"  

She then replied, "Boy, you didn't think that one through!"  

And you know what?  She was right!

When we finally decided on a card, the children needed to visit the little kids room -ugh! (remember my toilephobia?)   I don't know if they really had "to go", but we did wash our hands about a zillion times!!

Then it was off in search of a gift for daddy!  Yeah!!  We found it quite quickly and grabbed it up.  We got him a baseball glove and a baseball so he can play catch with the kids.  This is also a good way for him to "bond" with our son and his love of t-ball.

That was the ONLY thing quick about our trip.  Even at 8:15 pm, the store was positively PACKED!!  Every person and their dog decided to jump in line as soon as I wanted to check out.  It was like they knew I had every button pushed in the last 25 minutes and was at my breaking point, but they wanted to see how much farther they could push the envelope.

So, there I stood in the line that stretched to New Jersey, which was actually the shortest line there.  Meanwhile, my children were "done" with the store and starting to grab everything in sight.  I said "No, please stop", "don't touch that", and "keep your hands in the cart" so many times that people were beginning to stare at my predicament.  It's as if they have never before in their life witnessed a mamma at her wits end with the children/shopping experience.  My only hope is that they have children of their own someday and have this EXACT experience!!  

As I am standing in line trying REALLY hard not to scream, yell and pull my hair out, the customer two people ahead of me had a problem with the cashier!  UGH UGH UGH!!!

After waiting for what seemed like an hour, I foolishly switched to the next line over that was miraculously moving forward, to only get stuck behind them because of some silly "problem".  Boy, I really learned my lesson there!  Just cuz the line is shorter doesn't mean that it is moving!

After what seemed like an eternity - but was probably only about 20 minutes, we had our little purchase that was sure to make daddy smile, and we were finally headed out the door.

During this whole time, my hubby was waiting for us outside.  We got to the car as quick as possible.  When my hubby saw us he offered a giant smile and a great big "HI!"  Then upon seeing my frazzled expression he asked "What's wrong?"  I answered with a polite "I'm NOT talking about it!"

It was a good thing we had two cars with us (hubby's car and my van) cuz I needed some silent-quite-mamma time.  Can you guess which vehicle I drove home?

All in all, I learned my lesson.  Don't take the kids on multiple excursions and cram all your errands into one trip.  If you have to make multiple stops, hire a sitter and then show them what "they" bought daddy!